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About Literature / Hobbyist Jonathon McKaskle31/Male/United States Groups :iconnanowrimo-mlp: NaNoWriMo-MLP
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How long have I been missing you?
You say my words are killing you
You begged me always speak my mind
Open my mouth and you will find
my heart
on my tongue
beating down, bleeding from
the hole dug 
in my gut
wondering just what
I did wrong

So let these lyrics feel like torture
Grind my voice into a knife
Let this music be your murder
IF IT BRINGS YOU BACK TO LIFE
  • Mood: Depressed
  • Drinking: Coke

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MacElf
Jonathon McKaskle
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
.I am FtM transgender, pre-transition.
.I am a certifiable genius as well as certifiably mental.
.I enjoy writing as an outlet for the emotions which have no other being to cling.
.I write poetry, fanfiction, song lyrics, original short stories, and apparently crappy little intros.
.I am terrified I will stop aging someday and have to watch my loved ones grow old and die.
.I constantly crave positive attention in ways that chase off attention of any kind.
.I have a heart big enough to love so many with so few willing occupants that I feel just so empty.
.I want to be loved the way I love others, to call another's heart my home.
.I redefine weird with adrenaline-pumping glee.

...please don't leave me all alone.
Interests

Activity


Sitting on a bench outside this coffee house
Silent in observing the inside from the out
Watching faceless strangers running ‘cross the street
Dreaming of an angel I’ll never get to meet
A subtle shift of wind brings the smell of coming rain
Promising a cleansing, a drowning of all pain.

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“I know it hurts, but this is the only way you’re going to get better,” Terrence said as the needle was withdrawn from Little Tear’s arm. Little Tear sniffled and nodded. Fresh tears collected under his downcast eyes as the new hole in his thick, scarred skin cried a tear of its own.

“Don’t touch it!” Terrence barked when Little Tear moved his right hand toward the crook of his left elbow, and Little Tear jumped in response. His eyes flickered up briefly then immediately returned to gazing at his knees. His right hand dropped into his lap, the movement of bone and muscle showing clearly through parchment-colored skin.

“You have to let it bleed.” The last word came out a raspy sigh, and Terrence’s next words were barely a whisper. “Do you remember, Little Tear, why it has to bleed?”

Little Tear bit his lip in hesitation, his eyes moving to watch the tiny river trace down his arm.

He shook his head from side to side in a short, gentle motion.

“You’re sick,” Terrence said slowly. “The only way to make you better is to drain the sickness out,” he continued, voice rising in volume as his words fell sharp and precise.
Little Tear’s eyebrows drew tight across his brow. The fingers of his right hand twitched against his leg, scratching lightly on his denim shorts. Terrence chuckled harshly.

“I know the medicine makes you itch, but it feels so good.” Terrence’s breath was heavy and ragged, matching tempo with the rise and fall of Little Tear’s chest. “We have to bleed your sickness out, but the medicine…” A pause to inhale deeply and then, “The medicine is for me. Understand, Little Tear?”

Little Tear lifts his gaze, and the bright green eyes of a little boy met the dull, glassy green eyes of a young man through the glare of a bedroom mirror. Little Tear nods and watches Terrence nod.

“I know it hurts, but this is the only way we’re going to get better.”
Not a Conversation
This was an exercise in one of my university Creative Writing courses that I took several years back. I did a little editing and am posting it here for critique. 
Loading...
How long have I been missing you?
You say my words are killing you
You begged me always speak my mind
Open my mouth and you will find
my heart
on my tongue
beating down, bleeding from
the hole dug 
in my gut
wondering just what
I did wrong

So let these lyrics feel like torture
Grind my voice into a knife
Let this music be your murder
IF IT BRINGS YOU BACK TO LIFE
  • Mood: Depressed
  • Drinking: Coke

I've never been one of those people that day-dreamed about being married to one person for the rest of my life, due in some parts to my polyamorous heart and in other parts to my fear of accidentally tying myself to a person who then decides that neither of us can have sex or fall in love with any one else "so long as we both shall" suffer in miserable silence.

So why does marriage equality matter to me in any way? 
Because it's a matter of civil rights? Well, duh, although it saddens me to realize how many "equal peoples" turn a blind eye to that fact. But that's not why it really MEANS something to me, why it personally affects my own selfish little reality.

True marriage equality matters to me because I am FtM transgender with enough general legal knowledge to know that, at some point, marrying one of my companions may be the only way to protect and care for him/her. But my birth certificate will always declare me a 'legal' female, making any potential marriage to a female love a "same-sex marriage." 
And yet, as a transitioned male, if I attempted to wed a male love, those who would denounce equal marriage rights would deny us the opportunity because I 'chose to be a guy'.

So, yeah, same-sex marriage rights directly affect me even though I have no active interest or intentions to tie any knots with any gender.

Also, there's that little softie inside me that just genuinely enjoys seeing other people be happy, and love is number one leading cause of happiness.

So #BeHappy, everyboy. 
#LoveWins 

  • Mood: Depressed
  • Drinking: Coke

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ContraSprite Featured By Owner 5 days ago
Thanks for the fav! :]
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Thank you so much for the fav! I really appreciate it!
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Dexpo Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you for the fav, Jonny! ^^
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thanks for the fave!
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I'm speechless.  Duuuude. Happy Happy..Onion Bunny Emoji-87 (Thanks) [V5] Hatsune Miku-13 (Wink and Heart) Thank you for the countless :+fav:s I really appreciate it~!
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