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About Literature / Hobbyist Core Member Jonathon McKaskle31/Male/United States Groups :iconnanowrimo-mlp: NaNoWriMo-MLP
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How long have I been missing you?
You say my words are killing you
You begged me always speak my mind
Open my mouth and you will find
my heart
on my tongue
beating down, bleeding from
the hole dug 
in my gut
wondering just what
I did wrong

So let these lyrics feel like torture
Grind my voice into a knife
Let this music be your murder
IF IT BRINGS YOU BACK TO LIFE
  • Mood: Depressed
  • Drinking: Coke

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MacElf
Jonathon McKaskle
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
.I am FtM transgender, pre-transition.
.I am a certifiable genius as well as certifiably mental.
.I enjoy writing as an outlet for the emotions which have no other being to cling.
.I write poetry, fanfiction, song lyrics, original short stories, and apparently crappy little intros.
.I am terrified I will stop aging someday and have to watch my loved ones grow old and die.
.I constantly crave positive attention in ways that chase off attention of any kind.
.I have a heart big enough to love so many with so few willing occupants that I feel just so empty.
.I want to be loved the way I love others, to call another's heart my home.
.I redefine weird with adrenaline-pumping glee.

...please don't leave me all alone.
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My grandmother died the day before Christmas. Her funeral had to wait until January because of the holidays. The week before her funeral when I needed my two best friends the most, they decided I was not worth the time. One is actively ignoring me still, and the other had to move and hasn't even let me know how he's doing or how the move went. He didn't even tell me the day he finally moved.
So why the hell do I fight so hard to be such a good person, to be there for everyone even when it puts me in a bad position, if I don't matter enough for two of my BEST FRIENDS to be there for me the week before my grandmother's funeral??
WHY DO I LET MYSELF LOVE THESE PEOPLE IF I THEY NEVER REALLY LOVE ME?!
Now my closest friends that live near me are stressed beyond words because an insurance company is dicking them around, and I can't help because my mom and I are
Sitting on a bench outside this coffee house
Silent in observing the inside from the out
Watching faceless strangers running ‘cross the street
Dreaming of an angel I’ll never get to meet
A subtle shift of wind brings the smell of coming rain
Promising a cleansing, a drowning of all pain.

Mature Content


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“I know it hurts, but this is the only way you’re going to get better,” Terrence said as the needle was withdrawn from Little Tear’s arm. Little Tear sniffled and nodded. Fresh tears collected under his downcast eyes as the new hole in his thick, scarred skin cried a tear of its own.

“Don’t touch it!” Terrence barked when Little Tear moved his right hand toward the crook of his left elbow, and Little Tear jumped in response. His eyes flickered up briefly then immediately returned to gazing at his knees. His right hand dropped into his lap, the movement of bone and muscle showing clearly through parchment-colored skin.

“You have to let it bleed.” The last word came out a raspy sigh, and Terrence’s next words were barely a whisper. “Do you remember, Little Tear, why it has to bleed?”

Little Tear bit his lip in hesitation, his eyes moving to watch the tiny river trace down his arm.

He shook his head from side to side in a short, gentle motion.

“You’re sick,” Terrence said slowly. “The only way to make you better is to drain the sickness out,” he continued, voice rising in volume as his words fell sharp and precise.
Little Tear’s eyebrows drew tight across his brow. The fingers of his right hand twitched against his leg, scratching lightly on his denim shorts. Terrence chuckled harshly.

“I know the medicine makes you itch, but it feels so good.” Terrence’s breath was heavy and ragged, matching tempo with the rise and fall of Little Tear’s chest. “We have to bleed your sickness out, but the medicine…” A pause to inhale deeply and then, “The medicine is for me. Understand, Little Tear?”

Little Tear lifts his gaze, and the bright green eyes of a little boy met the dull, glassy green eyes of a young man through the glare of a bedroom mirror. Little Tear nods and watches Terrence nod.

“I know it hurts, but this is the only way we’re going to get better.”
Not a Conversation
This was an exercise in one of my university Creative Writing courses that I took several years back. I did a little editing and am posting it here for critique. 
Loading...
How long have I been missing you?
You say my words are killing you
You begged me always speak my mind
Open my mouth and you will find
my heart
on my tongue
beating down, bleeding from
the hole dug 
in my gut
wondering just what
I did wrong

So let these lyrics feel like torture
Grind my voice into a knife
Let this music be your murder
IF IT BRINGS YOU BACK TO LIFE
  • Mood: Depressed
  • Drinking: Coke

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:iconcoffeevulture:
CoffeeVulture Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2016  Student General Artist
thanks a bunch for the fav :)
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:iconmithiorenithere:
MithiorenIthere Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2016
Thanks for the fave! ^__^
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:icondaleeny:
Daleeny Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thx 4 the fav!
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:iconbow2yourwaifu:
Bow2YourWaifu Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank ya kindly fer supportin mah art sugarcube Applejack 
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RockingbeatLP Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2015
Thank you for the fav!
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VelvetOrchid67 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for faving my drawings! :3
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ShadOBabe Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey there!!
Thanks for the fave!! X3
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YuntaoXD Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks a lot for the fave I am a dummy!  Could you leave a comment too?
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Imajinn-Design Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2015   General Artist
thx for the fav :happybounce: :happybounce: :happybounce: 
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SonicPossible00 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fav!
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Rodinas Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks for the fav >__<
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Joe-Roberts Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
 Thanks for faving :)
Elsa by Joe-Roberts 
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AceGekko Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2015  Student
heyaa, cheers for the fav!
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Halem1991 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2015  Professional General Artist
Thanks for fav "My first best friend"!!!!! ^-^
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NashidaKyouko Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
 Thanks for the fave
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:iconkot6:
kot6 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
              Thank you so much for the favourite!
 Free Pumpkin Avatar happy almost yet not just yet halloween Free Pumpkin Avatar
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Rivkakopp Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015
Thanks for the fav'! :)
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LightDragon87 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav :D
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Fma35 Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2015  Hobbyist
Thanks for the fave
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ShimmyCocoPuffssX1 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2015  Professional Filmographer
I know im super late, but thanks for the fave I really appreciate it  n_n
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Sora-Nice Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2015  Student Interface Designer
Hi!! thanks for the favs!! n.n
=D
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BaileyBushes Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hi there random deviantartist! I just want to offer you something... a hug. Glomp! Hug Huggle! Tight Hug
You deserve it! Forget all those pansy chains that say you need (insert
number) of hugs to be truly loved, all you need is ONE person to show
their appreciation for you to know that you are beautiful and of amazing
worth! I just want you to know that no matter what, you are important
to me, you deserve a smile on your face, and happiness in your heart.
Have a very, very splendid day/night wherever you are!
love emote by snorasaurus :allyouneedislove: by stuck-in-suburbia :thatssocute: by stuck-in-suburbia :lovesquee: by stuck-in-suburbia Hug a heart by Colorcatcher ~Bailey, just a random friend!
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SonicPossible00 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fav!
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SierraSparx Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Tank's for FAVING!!
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Dexpo Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav ^_^
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